Turbo Freaking Tastic
by CandleHeadButt
Summary: Request parody one-shot. This is what happens when people play 'rules' against other people.


Turbo had to count himself lucky that such a break had been found. He had expected to be meet with such hate, such animosity after the things that he had done but even with such crimes under his name, the people didn't seem to care or react.

Watching his back, he would actually walk around without worry and soon he felt as if there was nothing to fret about at all.

This was more than good; this was GREAT. He was back in his own home and from the way things had been going, his past crimes seemed to have been swept under the rug.

And with a clean slate, that meant a clean beginning.

A beginning that HE could write on his own.

Turbo was no fool, he knew that things had changed in the arcade but to his luck they had changed to his advantage. It was shocking to see how many people he could easily get into his fold without any real means of fancy word play or twisting. Their amusements seemed to be the same as his and as long as he played lip and pretended to agree with the likes of Ralph and the others, no one gave him a second glance.

This was perfect, just so WONDERFULLY perfect.

That night, Turbo managed to get away from the flock of others from Tapper's. It was another rowdy night but it was an atmosphere that made things all the more better.

With everyone acting so gleefully and happily, they wouldn't know what hit them next.

Tip-toe, tip-toe out of the club he went, exiting Tapper's and waking out into the main station. It was late so there wasn't another character out and before him lay Sugar Rush.

Ready for the taking once more.

"Heh, stupid lil bitch…" Turbo sneered "A'Course people wouldn't expect it. But that's all in the f-!"

"Ah-HEM."

Who was that?

Turbo stopped in his tracks. Had he been spotted and if so, by how? No else was around.

Wait, the alley.

People were always lurking there but who could have been there this time?

"I know you see me…."

That voice, it SOUNDED familiar.

"Oh come now…." The voice said again, a little chuckle following "Is that anyway you're going to react for an old acquaintance?"

Out of the shadows stepped a man, a small man dressed in fine blue.

Mayor Gene?

Turbo had remembered seeing the Nicelanders when he had returned and much to his shock, their 'treatment' from the others had not changed that much since when he was plugged in. They were still teased, they were still pushed around but from what he had heard off the wire, they had been getting it WORSE since he had come back.

He heard it in the clubs, everyone happily making Nicelanders the butts of their jokes, throwing around insult after insult without care.

Just like old times, just like old times.

But Gene seemed so happy as he looked up at Turbo, a warm grin on his face.

"Going somewhere?"

What reason did Turbo have to fear Gene? Putting his hands in his pocket, Turbo let out a whistle and rocked on his feet.

"Yeah, just doin' a lil siteseein'. Wanna see how much things have changed since I took mah sabbatical, ya know."

"Mmm…" nodded Gene "Well, not much HAS changed. A few games here and there but the mood is practically the same."

"I would agree." Turbo smiled "Just like home."

"Just like home."

The two said nothing for a while, Gene coughing into his fist.

"Um, I have a question for you."

"Yeeees?"

"How fun has it been since you're returned?" Gene smiled "Ya like it? Ya really like it?"

Bells went off in Turbo's head. Gene was being as real as a thirteen dollar coin at this point but why stop the fun? Humoring Nicelanders was always the best thing to do so he went along with the little game.

"Okay, what'cha thinkin' about, Genie?"

There was no reply. Just silence.

"C'mon, ya were yackin' it up a second ago, ya can't tell me that-!"

Before Turbo could react, he felt a powerful force PLOW into his lower jaw, knocking him off his feet. He fell hard on the pavement but what stood over him was much more shocking than the pain that was radiating through him.

Gene, the Nicelander that both he and everyone else in the arcade seemed to brush aside, was glaring down at him, fist still out and still posed.

"Get up." The Nicelander growled "I SAID GET UP!"

"Get up for w-?!"

Two blows were delivered this time but Turbo reacted in rage. He snarled, swinging at Gene but to his surprise the Nicelander ducked and landed another blow to his stomach. Being as short as he was, he did have some advantages. He was just tall enough to his Turbo in the face but at the right height to leave several more blow to his middle, the mayor taking every advantage he had to land blow after blow on the former racer. Turbo was more shocked than anything at what was happening, trying his best to see an opening in this fight.

This was ridiculous, how in the arcade could he actually be overpowered by GENE?!

He yelled out, finally landing one on Gene but the mayor himself was full of much too much rage to go down in one hit. The punch seemed to add only fuel to Gene's anger and he came at Turbo again, plowing him into the garbage cans and knocking him hard on the behind. The two then entertained, both landing hit after hit on each other but Gene was li some sort of animal now; he was not stopping.

"You upstart punk! You think you can get away unpunished!? AFTER WHAT YOU DID?!"

Gene slugged Turbo in the eye, a pained cry coming from his throat as he reached up and tossed the Nicelander off him. Gene rolled back like a ball before finally coming to a stop against a wall, Turbo scrambling to his feet and walking over to him. The racer was seeing daggers as he looked down upon the Nicelander, not sure how to attack him next.

"Y-You really got some balls, DIDN'T cha ya lil booger?" Turbo hissed, rubbing his sore lip. Gene said nothing, only staggering to his feet as he looked back at the taller character. Both men looked a mess but neither one was going to go down, not yet. Gene knew that Turbo might have outdone him in size but what he was now unleashing upon him was something that he could not hold back and stop.

After all these years and adding up to what he and the Nicelanders had gone through, he wasn't going to stop now.

"C'MERE!"

Turbo reached down and pulled Gene violently from the ground, the little man's legs dangling in the air.

"Didn't ya learn your lesson years ago?" the racer growled "I thought I told ya lil buttholes ta stay in your place! Ta step back when a REAL characters comes around."

Gene was turning redder by the second, his rage increasing as Turbo spoke to him.

Who could forget the infamous Turbo incident, the incident which in fact sparked the very reason the Nicelanders had begun their animosity towards Ralph. The Mayor couldn't deny it; what he and the others had done to Ralph were terrible but just as terrible as the fact that once again, no one was listening to them.

But they all had an ear for Turbo, after the crimes he had partaken in?

No, not anymore.

Gene had learned hard that if you want something done, if you want to rid yourself of pain….

Sometimes you have to cut it YOURSELF.

"I was thinking about 'stayin' in my place' and forgiving you for that…." Gene frowned, taking hold of Turbo's hand "But ya know somethin'? If there is anything that these people have taught me is that forgiveness apparently means nothing."

Turbo was confused, but in his moment of wonder he missed Gene drawing back his fist and slugging him in the nose. The Nicelander was dropped at Turbo reeled back, Gene dusting off his undershirt of dust.

"I COULD forgive you…" the Nicelander began "That's what any GOOD person would do right?"

Gene drew back a fist and punched Turbo again.

"I COULD forgive you for what you did to us back in the eighties."

Turbo tried to hit Gene but the lessons once again showed to be fruitful as he saw Turbo coming and moved out of the way, laying a jab upon him.

"I COULD forgive you for what you said to us, what you DID to us."

Gene was circling around Turbo, the racer laying on the ground and scowling.

"But why should I?" Gene said, a smile on his face "Why SHOULD I forgive YOU when it's so hard to do so? The rest of the Nicelanders and myself have done nothing but bend over BACKWARDS for Ralph and his little friend now but people are still on our case, STILL calling us nothing as what they have done thirty years ago. Nothing has changed…."

Apparently, Gene had heard the jokes.

APPARENTLY.

The Nicelander turned to the side, coolly running his hand through his tousled hair.

"Oh, how I love these people…." The mayor began "They are just so OPEN to listening and to UNDERSTANDING. They understand that people change and understand that people can see the mistakes they made!"

The man stopped, clapping his hands together.

"Oh! Oh, oh, OH! Oh, WAIT! I forgot!"

"Ya forgot WHAT?"

"I FORGOT THAT THAT'S BULLSHIT!" Gene shouted, his voice echoing in the small space "But that's okay! It's OKAAAAY when people act like assholes for the sake of being assholes right? Just so long as it's for JUSTICE right? People here are SO understanding and they don't judge a person by their actions at all! I mean, at least when they're your BUDDIES right, TURBO?"

"I-Is it my fault that ya weebles get in tha way?" Turbo snorted, putting a finger to his busted lip.

"Aw, what's wrong Turbo?" Gene laughed "Don't like it when I play the same rules that have been dished out to us?"

"W-What rules?!"

"Rule one!" Gene smiled, a finger up "DEMAND that people change but when they do, completely deny they've done it!"

"G-Gene?"

"Rule two! It's alright to wave GUILT over other's head but they cannot do the same to YOU! Remember, everyone in the world is SINLESS except for YOU!"

"GENE!"

"Rule three, you can be judgmental about the actions of OTHERS but your behavior should not come into question!"

Turbo felt cornered as Gene moved closer to him. He knew that the mayor could let his temper flare but this was something he had never seen before. It was almost as if the mayor had gone nuts in the past few days of his return.

"Rule four is my favorite!" Gene chuckled "Revenge is perfectly fine, but only when YOU do it! As has been the way with everyone in Niceland since Ralph got back from his little skirmish and YOU popped your head back into the scene!"

"G-Gene, now hold on!"

"No, I'm DONE holdin' on!" the Nicelander growled "I'm DONE being patient and being 'cute' with people all the while they feel they have the RIGHT to behave like assholes towards us! They wanna play THAT game then fine, I'm joinin' in!"

Gene gave Turbo another hit, the racer feeling the anger behind it.

"These are the RULES they made and I'm only following them! You can't get mad at ME! I'm just doing the Litwak thing!"

"W-Why you takin' this out on ME, ya sawed-off bastard!" Turbo shouted, getting back on his feet "I wasn't the one who said those-!"

"Rule five. It doesn't MATTER who said what, as long as you get revenge on someone it's FINE!"

"ENOUGH!" Turbo shouted, throwing Gene to the ground "I am not about to get my hands dirty of a lil fat-ass like you! I have bigger things to do than worry about what YOU have to say!"

"Too bad! You're in the stew now!" Gene growled "Petty reason is good enough to follow according to everyone here!"

"WHO LET YOU HAVE FIGHTING LESSONS?!"

"Connections." Gene said "That's all I'm gonna tell your sorry ass."

The fight continued, both men exchanging blows to each other but Turbo was overwhelmed by how prepared and driven Gene was at this point. The Nicelander kept tearing at him, leaping over and over and hitting the man every chance he got. It was more than apparent now that Gene was beyond any sort of reasoning or calm, not with the way he was acting.

"When I get angry, they call me a jerk and insult me and anyone around!" Gene said "When they get angry, they call it JUSTICE! SWEET JUSTICE!"

Turbo blocked but Gene kicked.

"When I get called out for my actions, they say I should take it! When they get called out for their actions, they act as if they have never done anything wrong!"

Gene elbowed the racer in the stomach, another upper-cut meeting his chin.

"When I'M judged, they call it fair. When they're judge they scream about how it's sooooo hurtful!"

One more punch, one creepy smile.

"Bully free zone. Judging others is wrong. Unless it's a Nicelander, then it's fine! Unless they fight back, that's when it's a 'problem'."

The racer's helmet had flown off, his black hair going into his eyes as it mixed with sweat and blood. Turbo had to admit, he had NEVER expected a rush like this and his blood was pumping and his adrenaline racing.

He had some skills too.

A fist came into contact with Gene's jaw, the Nicelander going back. Turbo stepped back, slick feet and longer legs taking him far enough out of Gene's reach but allowing him to put in another blow. Gene seemed to absorb the hits though, forcing himself up and laying another punch on Turbo.

It was only a question of who was going to fall first and either men were ready to do that.

"What's wrong, Genie?" Turbo cackled, though his sides were starting to hurt "You tossin' down tha dignified crap an' actually getting' dirty? An' ya said nothin' changed here since I've been MIA!"

Gene puffed "Change? Change is GOOD but after what we've been through, I decided to change in a way that EVERYONE here apparently WANTS things to go!"

Turbo smirked, trying to flip his hair out of his eyes "What, is something a lil jealous that they're not gettin' tha start treatment?"

A flash of anger was seen in Gene's eyes "Star treatment? Oh pah-SHAW, I could care less about being treated like some sort of celebrity or martyr. The only thing I want is to enjoy a relaxing slice of pie in my own home without some jackasses interfering."

"You always did have a thing for pie. MARY'S pie specifically."

"Which in thirty years, is more **_PIE_** than you've gotten am I not right?"

There was a twitch in Turbo's movements.

Low blow, Gene. LOW BLOW.

Gene cracked his hands, shaking his head "Oh, do forgive me for that. Was I being TOO rough on you?"

"Y-You wouldn't know tough, ya lil mite!"

"You'd be surprised but of course, like everyone else here I guess it's alright to have a perception of US. Just so long as I don't do the same to you. Then that would be WRONG, hmmm?"

"H-heh, ya proved it ta me, lil guy…" Turbo laughed, but on edge just in case things got heated again "Ya got some GUMP in ya but don't ya have better things ta do right now?"

"Nicelanders don't do anything, remember?" Gene smiled coldly "We don't have jobs, we don't have roles. We don't have anything. So I figured that THIS would be the PERFECT way ta get summa that tension out!"

The man turned, his eyes going dark.

"Besides, forgiving you wouldn't work, would it? Forgiving people and letting them go on with their lives is too hard, too boring! So if no one has to forgive us, why the hell should I have to?"

Turbo dove in for the fight but Gene saw the move coming, hopping out of the way and giving Turbo a punch in the back. Turbo was then surprised by the simple fact that Gene was somehow able to draw up his KNEE and kick Turbo under his chin.

"Is this what you've been reduced to?" Gene asked, his tone cold "You seemed so POWERFUL and HAPPY back there. You seemed to be the same when you hit MARY and no one did anything!"

"B-But that was thirty years ago, Gene!"

"Why should I let the past go?" Gene chuckled "No one else is doing that with US so why should I waste my time doing it for THEM, YOURSELF include!? Letting go is pussy shit! The RIGHT thing to do is let is fester!"

Gene began to wail on the man like never before, the memories of that moment coming back to him.

"You remember it you bag of trash?! DO YA?! You HIT her because she KNEW what you said about was BULLSHIT! You hit her because she called your little act out! And they did NOTHING! THEY DID NOTHING BUT LAUGH WHEN SHE FELL! ALL THEY EVER DO IS FREAKING LAUGH AND THEY SAY WE'RE HEARTLESS!"

Turbo was starting to remember as well, that day.

Some words were exchanged, Mary refused to allow herself to be talked down by Turbo and then….

Punch.

Right in the arm.

She fell right before Gene but from the laughter they heard, the crowd had enjoyed it. They would have enjoyed it more had it been Gene on the other end of the fist but it was right then and there that the disaster had begun.

And for thirty years, everyone suffered for it.

The Nicelanders.

Felix.

But most of all RALPH.

Gene was man enough to admit what he had done, he was man enough to say that he had treated Ralph wrong. A man of his word doesn't lie.

But after the fall out, after EVERYTHING that had been trusted upon him and the Nicelanders while watching Turbo being treated like some sort of frail victim.

'Man of his word' meant nothing to him now.

The more that he thought about the words and actions, the angry Gene became. He had never felt so furious in his life and it was that fury that was aiding him in that fight as both he and Turbo continued to fight in the alley but it wasn't long before people heard what was going on.

A fight doesn't stay silent for long.

"H-hey, look at this!" shouted someone, shocked to see the two tussling.

A crowd began to form, only a few coming in curiosity but it only grew and grew. The crowd was there, circling the two as they watched them fight. Cheers erupted, screams echoed about.

And not too far away….

"Say, what's goin' on?" asked Vanellope, walking about with the others. Felix turned his ear to the side and the familiar voices seemed to slam into him like a pile of brick.

It was so familiar, so horribly familiar.

"Oh, MAH LAND!" the repairman said, darting off. Calhoun reached out but she was a hair too late.

"Solider, come back!"

"Move, MOVE!" Felix growled, pushing the boisterous crowd aside but once he got through, he saw it.

The fight was still going, still raging on.

But to the repairman's shock, Gene seemed to be the one winning.

"GENE! GENE!" Felix screamed "STOP! STOP IT NOW!"

Felix's cries fell upon deaf ears as there was no way Gene was stopping. He was much too angry or hurt to have anyone order him around this time. The others gathered, their jaws dropping in shock at what they were seeing.

"But you LIKE attention!" Gene shouted, holding Turbo in around the neck "YOU LIKE IT! WHY AREN'T YOU SMILING!?"

"LET ME GO YOU FAT-ASS LIL-!"

A fist busted Turbo in the lip, stopping his words right there. He fell on his back, Gene standing over him as the crowd's cheers began to lessen, some boos being thrown but Gene didn't care.

Why should he care? He lived in an arcade that didn't care so why waste his energy doing the same?

After all, by their view what he was doing was no different than what Turbo had done and what they were following.

"I thought a MAIN CHARACTER was tougher than that…" Gene huffed, wiping blood of his nose "Or did you run out of gas already?"

Turbo couldn't take it anymore. He snarled as he PLOWED Gene through the crowd and out into the opening of the station. The crowd cried out in terror, quickly moving out of the way as Turbo slammed Gene's body against one of the station benches, the fight only going stronger.

"I'm only gonna ask ya one more time, ST-!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, FELIX!" Turbo shouted "Do ya THINK anyone cares about what ya hafta say?!"

Felix turned red, marching right up to the racer and grabbing his shoulder roughly "Ya keep flappin' your gum, I'm-!"

Turbo quickly turned and knocked Felix right in the nose, dropping Gene in the process. Felix cried out as the pain echoed in his body and before he knew what was going on, Turbo was now on top of him, smiling down evilly.

"Lil know-it-all…." The racer chuckled "Always couldn't keep your nose outta your own shit, could ya?"

Felix gasped but Turbo had him already, clothing his neck and holding him up.

"C'mon! Say somethin' 'CUTE'! I'm sure EVERYONE wants ta hear what the hero has to say!"

"Turbo, DROP HIM!" Calhoun growled, aiming her gun but Turbo only laughed.

"Drop it, Military Barbie! Ya think ANYONE is scared of ya?! There are background monsters that have more bite than ya an' they actually aren't playin' no god damn game ta seem so tough and strong!"

The gun cocked, the inner gears wiring.

"I SAID DROP-!"

Turbo quickly turned Felix before him, just as Calhoun's finger twitched but seeing the repairman in front of her, she quickly retracted. Turbo knew the inner workings of those he had been observing, at least he was intelligent enough to do that.

And in doing so, he was intelligent enough to remember what they WOULDN'T do, especially when they were in a space where they wouldn't come back.

"Watcha gonna do? Shoot your boyfriend?"

"Turbo, you have five seconds or-!"

"Or WHAT?!" the racer laughed "I don't know why you guys are so SURPRISED that this happened? Ya left yourself wide open ta me but I guess I should be thankful I live in such an acceptin' place, right? I mean, I could have NEVER gotten this far if people hadn't FORGIVEN ME!"

The crowd began to slink back a bit, Turbo throwing their actions right back in their face.

"What's wrong with ya guys? SCARED? I'm just tha TURBO ya wanted me ta be! Tha Turbo ya-!"

A quick flash of pink came from behind Turbo, the man braying out in pain as he felt a sharp blow come over him from the back of the neck. He fell forward, landing like a stone on the ground. Felix gasped as he came down with the racer but as he looked back, his eyes widened.

"M-Mary?!"

And she was looking none too pleased.

In her right hand was her left heel, the sharp end aimed where Turbo had once stood but as she looked down at his unconscious body, she had nothing to say.

But the look on her face said everything.

The man moaned, coming too but by now all energy had left his body, leaving him with only the option to look at the shocked crowd before him and wondering just what in the world had hit him.

Had he known, one could guess that it would have been yet another blow to his ego.

Mary looked over, Gene leaning over on the bench and panting in anger. He looked terrible, hair out of place, dirt and blood everywhere, bruise marks throughout and one massive black eye but he no longer cared.

After all, what he had done was only what everyone else had done so did that automatically mean he was wrong?

Mary glared over at the crowd, everyone as still as statues as they watched her place her shoe back on and walk over to the mayor. She helped him on his feet, an arm going over his back.

"Are you okay?"

Gene looked over at Turbo, the man down a pleasing sight to him. He spit out some of the blood that had collected in his mouth but paid no mind to any but Mary beside him.

"I'm better than I've been in the past few weeks."

The two Nicelanders walked off together, the crowd saying nothing but it was apparent what everyone was thinking.

They had actually beaten up Turbo. They had actually brought him down in a way no one had every expected Nicelanders to even do so but more than anything, it was their words that and how cold they seemed to be as they left that made everyone hold their tongues.

And more than that.

What Turbo had said.

How quick he was to return to his cruel state and hurt Felix.

Despite him being given a second chance.

Calhoun pulled Turbo's limp body from the ground, her strong hands holding back his arms in a painful grip.

"Up. We got someplace SPECIAL for you."

Turbo was shamed into silence as he was pushed forward, his legs feeling like jelly as the humility washed over him.

He had been beaten up by NICELANDERS.

NICELANDERS.

And even after the way people had treated them, they walked off in content, their stride stronger than his own even after the wallop Gene had received.

"W-Wait!" Turbo cried out "S-Stop!"

The couple did just that, turning back towards Turbo, the racer breathing out hard but struggling to find something to say. He could tell from the way they were eyeing him that they didn't want to hear anything from HIM or the crowd behind him.

"What is it young man?"

"O-Okay, I get it. I-I was wrong." Turbo shifted in Calhoun's hold "If this is only because I hit ya back then, I'm sorry…"

Mary walked up to Turbo, looking right into his eyes.

"That's so sweet…I could forgive you….."

A little crook of a smile formed on the man's face but Mary didn't seem to return the sentiment. She took a step back, crossing her arms.

"But what is forgiveness to you and everyone else here but empty words?"

Turbo went pale, the woman showing no fear towards him. She instead walked back over towards the mayor and helped him limp back towards their home. Mary turned back towards the astounded racer, not a look of concern on her face.

"What? We're just following YOUR rules."


End file.
